By now, you’ve heard more than enough about the BYU-Idaho skinny jeans scandal. I have just a bit more to add, but a little story for you first:

Salt-of-the-earth isn’t adequate to describe my father-in law. At fifteen he emigrated from East Germany to the United States with his sixteen year old brother as his only companion. Together they made their way to Utah, found a little apartment in downtown Salt Lake City, enrolled themselves in East High and worked as janitors at the old LDS hospital to support themselves. Somehow he served a mission in Finland and made his way through college compliments of the U.S. Air Force. A life-long learner, he loves to discuss passages from Isaiah, yet has an arsenal of knock-knock jokes from his thirty years as a third grade teacher.

Never in a bishopric or the High Council, Fritz serves quietly as a home teacher to up to twenty-two families at a time. He shovels snow, fixes cars and performs countless home repairs with his trademark smile and childlike joy.

A few weeks ago, Fritz taught the High Priests and unsuccessfully attempted to show a video on his ward’s thirty year old TV and VCR. “I can’t get the stupid TV to work.” he complained as he gave up the venture.

After the meeting, a member of the Stake Presidency pulled Fritz aside, “I know you are a foreigner and all,” he condescended, “but stupid is an inappropriate word. Please don’t use it again.”

Are you kidding me!?

Now, darling Fritz just laughed it off, but I worry about attitudes like this. What if his testimony was fragile? What if he’d been going through a period of doubt and unneeded criticism threw him off the path? Sometimes we churchgoers turn righteous living into a contest– who can check off the most boxes. Ickity pickety persnickety perfectionism drives us apart rather than knitting our hearts together in unity in love. And now we’re back to skinny jeans– a culture where we nit pick each other will only lead to anxiety and doubt.

Yes, we need to work to be righteous and modest and of good report, but the greatest of these is charity. Before I was Young Women’s president I had all kinds of ideas about modesty, but once I sat among those beautiful (and often fragile) girls, I never said a word. I didn’t want a single girl avoiding Laurel class or Tuesday activities because Sister Lehnardt would notice her too short skirt or skin tight jeans. Modesty isn’t as simple as it sounds– some of my girls had no money for clothes, weight issues that made once-loose tops quite revealing and/or parents with different values. I wanted them to know they were loved and adored by me and by their Heavenly Father no matter what they wore.

Besides, I think skinny jeans are really cute. And yes, I know a lot of Mormon households regard stupid as a bad word. But coming from a convert family (where no one even told us it was bad!) I can tell you it’s extremely useful– especially for old TV sets (and maybe for self-righteous finger pointers).

Do you worry we are excluding good people from the gospel with unecessary criticism?

Have you ever been the victim of ickety picketyness? (Sadly, I’m sure I’ve been an offender at some point.)

Do you wear skinny jeans?

 

Related posts:

  1. Dying on hills
  2. Saving Levi Strauss & Co.
  3. I’ll Have a Miniskirt with a Side Order of Cleavage


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