One evening in June, 13 years ago, my boyfriend and I attended the temple together. On the way home we stopped for dinner at Taco Bell, and then he decided to pull off into a darkened parking lot so we could talk. He turned to me with tears in his eyes and blurted out “I’m attracted to men.” I was, frankly, shocked because this was the last thing I expected him to say. We talked for a while longer, cried, and hugged; then he drove me home like it had been any other date. A few weeks later we got engaged and were married in the temple within six months. During our engagement we didn’t talk very much about the fact that he was gay; I hadn’t really known anyone that was gay up until that point, and I didn’t even know what questions I should ask or what the possible problems might be. I didn’t have any idea what life would be like for those are LDS and gay, because no one talked about it. This lack of dialogue added to the difficulties I faced while I was still married, and causes me to worry about how my children will feel when they get older and realize that no one wants to talk about their father. Too often, the absence of discussion about an issue leads people to believe that the issue doesn’t really exist. We may not realize that our lack of questions only means that we don’t even know enough to ask.

Several years ago, acting student Ben Abbot had the same realization—he found himself wondering what it would be like to be both gay and Mormon. He interviewed a dozen different members of the church who are either gay or closely connected to someone who is. Then he used the transcripts of those interviews to create a one-man play called Questions of the Heart: Gay Mormons and the Search for Identity. The play was first performed in Berkeley three years ago as Ben’s honors thesis project. Since then, he has expanded the play, including adding a role for himself as the Interviewer. The play has been performed at several theater festivals and other venues—including in an LDS chapel as a special ward fireside and in a gay bar. In an interview in 2011, Ben stated “No matter who you are, you will hear things in my show that you strongly agree with, things that you strongly disagree with, and things that you hadn’t ever considered.  The neat part of theater is that you’ll be in an audience where everyone has a different opinion, and you’ll all be experiencing and reacting to the show differently, and I think there’s a lot to learn from that.”

I had the opportunity to attend a performance of the first version of the play in 2011. It really was an amazing experience, one I wish I could have had ten years earlier when I didn’t know anything about gay Mormons. Ben portrays a dozen different characters through shifts in mannerisms, lighting, tone of voice, and simple props. The performance became an opportunity to sit in on a conversation with a diverse group of people; I felt that I had just spent an hour in a sacred space, one where I could truly see and understand the feelings of some of my brothers and sisters. Elder Quentin L. Cook has stated that “As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion and outreach.” The first step to compassion is listening to others and hearing their stories. Ben’s play is one way to take that step forward.

During the next two months, Ben will be taking Questions of the Heart on a tour through the western United States and Canada, including stops in places such as Moscow, ID, Vancouver, Portland, Los Angeles, and Mesa. More information is available on the tour website. Questions of the Heart is also on Facebook and event pages have been created for some of the performances. Theater has long been a part of LDS culture and Ben’s play is a great example of the power of this art form to build community; if you live in an area where  a performance is happening, I highly recommend that you attend.


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