This week after the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Thursday night practice, I was listening to the public radio playing some wonderful classic music. After the piece was through, the announcer came on and told the audience what the piece was and who the composer was. And then he added this: "This piece was written when the composer was 15 years old".

Fifteen? It was a full symphony orchestra and the music was glorious. It had some fast passages, and some syncopation in it to make it even more interesting. But fifteen? That's when I started to compare and feelings of inadequacy, lack fulfillment, and gentle depression set in. I compared my music at my age of 55 to a fifteen year old. And came to the conclusion that:

I will never get to that point  in my music foray as the young fifteen year old composer had achieved. Is this self-defeating? Perhaps, but I would like to think of it more of a reality of my limitations. And then this prompting came into my head:

It's okay, really it is. Use what you have and what you will still gain to bless the lives of others.

I know that was the Spirit telling me to quit beating myself up. I'm sure we all go through those same sorts of feelings and thought in one way or another - whether it's bemoaning the fact that the other person has something and we don't (coveting), whether we just can't seem to get ahead in life while our friends soar ahead with seemingly little effort, or we have continual health problems while others skip thorough their mortal probation unscathed. When we start to compare our lives with others, we get into the self-defeat mode. Rather, we should look at our lives, and see how we can help each other with their shortcomings. We're all in this together.

As far as music, I have a knack for writing hymns and children's pieces (I'm not bragging - just making an observation based on others comments). I can attempt writing  a full-blown symphony, but without knowledge of certain things such as the practical range of a certain instrument, how it fits or doesn't fit with other instruments and some theory - all of these things will not help me with writing a symphony. I can start building up to that by writing small ensemble pieces (String Quartet, Wind ensemble, etc.). And what is the true motivation of doing so? For self- gratification or to bless the lives of others? I find when I look beyond ME and look at others, I can be more productive. My personal goal is not to publish music and become famous. There are others with that goal and they are great with their perseverance towards that end. My goal is to write and share music that others may grow in the knowledge of a loving Father in Heaven. So, I use what I have to bless the lives of others.

I know I will never win the Boston Marathon. First, because of my health issues, but more importantly because I haven't prepared for it. No, even with lots of training, I may never win the Boston Marathon, but I can compete. I can start the process by walking around the block, doing some short runs and building up. But I have to accept that that at my age, the odds of winning such an event are slim verses the younger runner whose body is well conditioned, and not falling apart. As I look at some of my friends, I marvel. A good friend suffers from CHD and a little more than one year ago, they were close to death. Through personal motivation and through others, they still live to this day and they just completed a 5K run. Did they come in first place? no. But they are not bemoaning this fact. They are looking beyond themselves and looking to others (in this case, God) and thanking Him daily for the chance to even run a 5K. They are using what they have and blessing the lives of others while running.

Whatever the case, if we follow the example of the prompting to use what we already have, and we bless the lives of others - it will be okay, really it will be.
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