Juliana is originally from the Pacific Northwest and is publishing this post anonymously because she doesn’t want to offend anyone.

My cell phone rang, and the caller asked to speak to my husband. It was our home teacher setting an appointment for the next Sunday. He arrived promptly at the arranged time, sat in our living room, and made conversation with my husband while my oldest and youngest children scampered about. My middle daughter was in her bedroom, recovering from recent surgery. After about 10 minutes of conversation, he declared that he had a message for us. He shared the First Presidency message for that month out of the Ensign, made a few comments about it, and asked if he could leave us with a prayer. He gave a short prayer, and then stood, indicating that he needed to visit another family. He shook our hands and left.

I suppose I shouldn’t complain – here was a faithful member of our ward making an effort to visit our family. Many members of the Church never see or hear from their home teachers. But our home teacher’s visits have always left me cold. They were always the same – short and to the point – greetings extended, message shared, prayer given. The appointments were always made through my husband. He has rarely looked me in the eye or addressed me directly. He never asked about my middle child that had been through a recent illness and surgery. He never addressed my other children. Yet, each month, he fulfilled his duty as a home teacher.

I believe the idea of home and visiting teaching within the church is fantastic – the thought that each member has a set of men and women assigned to them to be a help and a support to them through good times and bad – embodies the spirit of the Gospel. Sadly, the execution of home and visiting teaching is often lacking. We are all imperfect beings, and despite our best efforts, schedules are busy, personalities conflict, and needs are often left unmet. Some see it as a burden and an artificial construct, forcing people who would never interact otherwise to sit uncomfortably in the same room and share their feelings about the Gospel. If home and visiting teaching were done perfectly, no one would be lonely, sad, unfed, or un-served, and everyone would be edified and blessed.

My husband and I often discussed these visits. Why did he never speak to me? Why were his visits always so short? Why didn’t he ever ask about the children, even when they’d been sick? Was he just incredibly shy? One conclusion that we came to was that perhaps that was all he expected from his home teachers – a short visit, a message, and a prayer, nothing more. Another conclusion that we came to was that perhaps he needed to come out and visit us much more than we needed to be visited. Maybe his terse visits were the result of a major struggle to overcome his shyness. Unfortunately, I need more than that from a home teacher. I need a home teacher that I can feel comfortable calling upon if my husband is out of town and a sick child needs a blessing. I need someone who is concerned about the struggles my family faces. I need more than a quick visit, a pithy message, and a prayer.

What do you need from your home and visiting teachers? How do you communicate what you need? Do you get it?