Some friends and I in Jerusalem, over 15 years ago.

After I finished my Master’s degree, I taught for 2 years as a visiting instructor at BYU. During my first year of teaching, my little sister convinced me to apply for the summer study abroad program in Jerusalem. She had dreamed of visiting Jerusalem and wanted me to go with her. Although I loved traveling, Jerusalem had never been high on my to-visit list and, as I told her, I really wasn’t even eligible to go—I was a faculty member, not a student anymore. But I did have the summer off, so I turned in my application alongside hers. She didn’t get into the study abroad, and, of course, I did (which is what always seems to happen when you really want something—your sister gets it–right?!).

Tonight I was searching through the storage room for something and found a box of my old journals, one of which was from that study abroad trip. The journal is full, full of descriptions of scenes around me, my poetry fragments, travelogues, deep thoughts, and explications of scriptures. In one of my last entries, I wrote, “I hope that I’ll never be the same again. I’m nervous to go back to the ‘real world’ and its pressures. I want to wrap this Spirit up tight around my heart, my lungs, anything it can possible encase, and take it home. I want it to emanate from me. How can anything else matter but this?” On the back cover of the journal, I copied a famous little poem that has been attributed to Mohamed, John Leaf Whittier, and a Persian poet named Muslihudden Sadi. It reads,

“If of all thy worldly goods
thou art bereft
and unto thee but two loaves are left.
Sell one
and with its dole
buy hyacinth
To feed thy soul.”

This little journal is full of the things that feed my soul, mainly spiritual in nature. So I sit here tonight, writing this post at the last possible minute because the bulk of my day was spent going to the library, the bookstore, the orthodontist, the grocery store, and my bootcamp class and making people food and cleaning up that food, and because instead of writing it during the kids’ naptime/quiet time, I mopped the floor since the 5-year-old dropped a huge container of juice on it not once, but twice today, and because during the kids’ naptime/quiet time, I scrubbed the carpet since the 1-year-old took off her pants and diaper and peed on it while I was cleaning up the juice. The truth is that I feel like I’m living my life in a state of exhaustion.

I also sit here tonight, desperately wanting this level of spirituality back in my life. I want to feed my soul. I especially want to feed it with scripture study. Right now, scripture study usually looks something like this: I start reading and after 2 verses, I remember I didn’t start the dishwasher, so I go start it. Then I start reading and I fall asleep after 1 column. So, I know these are almost a Sunday-school type questions, but they’re genuine (and they’re all I’ve got in me tonight!). Help me, friends, with your tips for scripture study—do you read chronologically? Do you study topics? Do you use other materials/helps as you study? And how do you “sell a loaf,” so to speak to find the time and means for feeding your soul?