My business mentor recently extended a challenge to my coaching group. We were to choose one of these options, to focus on for one month:  1) No news, 2) No sugar, or 3) No judging.

Which would you choose?

The first option was not much of a challenge for me, since I long ago noticed that I cannot tolerate much in the way of world news. It is generally either so negative or so insipid that it throws my entire day into turmoil and I lose purpose and productivity. So because I already avoid the daily news (except for the major headlines, so I won’t be too out of touch) I didn’t choose Option #1.

I didn’t choose Option #2 either, because I didn’t want to right now. I have previously gone long periods without eating sugar and they are periods of greater health and vitality, both physically and emotionally. But it felt like too much of a challenge for me right now; I couldn’t drum up the necessary feeling of determination and commitment to say Yes.  I do what I say I’ll do, so I know not to say I’ll do something if I know there’s a high chance I won’t follow through. I did move Option #2 higher on my list of things to do soon. But not now.

That left Option #3: no judging. When I heard him say it, my spirit immediately responded, “Yes, that’s the challenge for me right now.” I grew up with a wonderful, deeply Christian mother, but the one annoying trait she had was a propensity to judge others, usually strangers, for ridiculous things, like wearing curlers out of the house or being overweight. Even as a young child, I thought, “She doesn’t know that person at all; how can she say mean things about them?” Very early on, I determined NOT to be like that when I was grown.

And I have kept that determination, working hard to be open to people without judging. As I mature, though, I am anguished to notice that my judgments have simply taken a different form, a different route to my mind — gone underground, unconscious, so that I don’t notice my thinking as judgmental, even when it actually is. I have a habit, for instance, of quickly saying to myself something positive that I notice about a person. I used to think that was noble of me, because I did make true statements, always to myself and often to the person; what I noticed I really did like. But it began to dawn on me that this “good” habit of mine was a reactive one; I did it to counteract an even quicker negative judgment I made of someone. So I was still judging, in both negative and positive ways. I had become so good at it that it was instinctive and immediate.

This was obviously disheartening. Now I can argue as well as you can that it’s our human nature to make quick judgments of each other, that it’s built into us as a safety precaution, to alert us to truly dangerous people. I even believe the argument. But I REALLY want to see my brothers and sisters the way our Heavenly Parents see them, the way our Savior sees them, with all their goodness and pain and worthiness in spite of bad choices, whether it be hair curlers in public or adultery. I want to see people spirit to spirit and leave all the judgment to God.

I am far from that ideal. But I’ve noticed already, as I tackle this challenge this month, that I can shift my thinking immediately with just the words: no judging. My mentor promised it would be a “freeing” experience to suspend judgment, and that has been true for me. As soon as I say the words, my judgmental thoughts flee and I am left unburdened and smiling — free at last.

Which option would you choose — no news, no sugar, or no judging? Are you judgmental? How do you deal with that?


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