Last year, I spent hundreds of hours creating a video on grief. As you might imagine, the process involved many intense, tearful conversations, long quiet pauses and moments where I felt shivers from head to toe.

One of my most profound experiences was talking with my friend Lana about the death of her son. She said, “I haven’t accepted this has really happened. And how can I give my burden to the Lord when I haven’t really accepted that it’s mine?”

Her words stole my breath and stopped my heart. I’d been doing exactly the same thing.

Have you ever had a burden so ugly, so heavy you didn’t want to accept it’s reality?

As Lana says, “I don’t want it to be this way. I don’t want God to heal me. I want him to fix things; I want him to bring my son back. I know that’s crazy. I know I’m crazy.”

I don’t think Lana is crazy. I think many of us beg God to fix a situation even when it’s illogical– we don’t want the death/drug abuse/divorce etc. to be true– and rather than asking for Godly healing, we plead for a fairy Godmother.

Lana’s words changed me (and speaking them out loud also changed her). I realized I’d been begging God to change a situation, rather than asking for healing. Once I accepted my burden, and then handed it over to God, I was able to feel the peace I’d been craving. I still have to hand it over– again and again. But I’m no longer asking God to fix things– I’m asking him to carry me.

Christ stands with open arms ready to heal, “Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.” 3 Nephi 9:14