As I struggled to merge into the exit lane, a silver car refused to give me space, but a little red sports car spotted my predicament and let me in. On the off-ramp, I watched the silver car dart in and out of lanes, missing side mirrors by a breath, surely causing someone to spill their coffee into their lap. Drawing to stop at the next light, I noticed the silver car two spaces ahead. I’m a pretty mild-mannered driver, so the words I uttered uselessly toward the silver car represent the height of my road rage, “You are not a nice person!”

But maybe they are?

Maybe they just got a message that their daughter was in an accident and they need to hurry home? Maybe they’ll be fired if they’re late to work one more time? Or maybe they’re a perfectly decent person who turns aggressive behind the wheel of a car?

I live in Utah– famous for excellent skiing and bad drivers. And while some of the cars I see cutting people off, driving in the emergency lane, and offering rude hand gestures might truly be on their way to the hospital to bid farewell to a loved one, some of them are just acting like jerks.

I don’t think hostile drivers are necessarily bad people, but I do believe teaching my children to be considerate drivers offers excellent training in Christlike living.  Where else do we interact with such anonymity, where other people literally appear as objects? While it might be tempting to push to get ahead, we all know rush hour on the freeway (as well as preschool pickup) depends on the civility of strangers. While teaching my four sons to drive (two more kids to go), I tried to instill certain lessons:

Consider God’s children. You might see a rusty old wreck, a glossy sports car, a minivan with a dent on the side, but those are simply bits of metal cloaking and carrying God’s offspring— each with their own complicated lives, their own set of dreams and desires and problems. So much of the drama of human life takes place while traveling one place to the other whether it be on a plane, running down a sidewalk, or driving carpool to dance. We’re all trying to get from one place to the next, to take care of the people we love. Go easy on your fellow travelers; you can’t know their challenges and heartaches.

Know what you’ve signed up for. Living next to a school, choosing a 30 minute commute, taking a route that crosses train tracks— we can choose to be frustrated or to simply accept the inevitable traffic hiccups. I live right next to a preschool whose drop-offs and pick-ups block my driveway for 20 minutes four times a day. But we knew this before moving into our home and we’re grateful to the preschool for the service it provides to our community. This little preschool sets the precedent for the excellent schools all within 1/2 mile of our home. Do I see a LOT of stupid driving? Of course. Preschool parents are always sleep deprived, there’s always someone crying in the backseat and they’re constantly distracted. There’s no point in getting angry with the frazzled mom making a 9-point-turn in my driveway. I can choose to smile or move away. Similarly, why get angry when a long train slows your drive—it’s no secret trains travel over those tracks. Life’s the same way. Once we’ve made a choice, accept the bad with the good.

Plan ahead; everything takes more time than you think. Most angry driving stems from “I’m late!” Scheduling in a few extra minutes for the inevitable construction delay, string of red lights, getting stuck behind a 20 mph grandma, saves us the stress of being late. It’s good to take responsibility for our own arrival times. And it’s healthy to practice patience.

And if we really are fighting the clock…

It’s not worth it to get a ticket/be rude/cause an accident. Almost everyone who’s been driving a few years knows the sound of the police siren and the knowledge, “Now, I’ll really be late.”

In the same vein, almost everyone can tell a story about being annoyed by another driver only to find it’s your neighbor. Yelling at someone or using a rude hand gesture seems foolish when it’s someone you know, and really, isn’t everyone your neighbor? Driving doesn’t excuse us from viewing everyone as God’s children, it just increases the challenge.

While we’ve all heard the quip, “Your lack of planning is not my emergency.” Well, it can turn into someone else’s emergency when you’re driving. My son was recently hit by a car when riding his bike. The driver’s excuse: “I was in a hurry.”

As I said, aggressive drivers aren’t necessarily bad people and polite drivers aren’t saints. But exercising kindness, personal responsibility, humility, empathy and compassion is always a good idea.

Tell me your thoughts on driving. Any funny stories to share? Lessons learned?