Dear Parents and Seasoned Grandparents of children aged 0 to 18-ish –

As reunion season winds down and the holidays (with more family merriment) are still a few months away, we need your advice. The members of the “Fairly New Grandparents Association” have collectively witnessed/endured situations similar to the three listed below. As a whole we acknowledge our complete lack of preparation and seek your advice. Please weigh in on your approaches on how grandparents should – or should not – handle these issues.

Scenario 1: The Snatch and Grab Conundrum

At a reunion held at the grandparents’ home, grandchild, age 4, is contentedly playing with a toy. Grandchild, age 3 ½ , a cousin who doesn’t get to see cousins very often, snatches the toy right out of the 4-year-old’s hand. The 4-year-old announces “Excuse me. I was still playing with that.” This is said politely and accurately. The child has not been hogging it for a long time and was actively engaged with the toy at the moment of the snatching. This appeal fails to persuade the snatcher of his/her error. Both children’s sets of parents are nearby, but are happily catching up with their siblings/in-laws and don’t witness the exchange. It happens, however, right under the alert grandparent’s nose.

Knowing that:
1      grandparent/grandchild relationships should be built on a foundation of love and good will
2     relationships between cousins thrive with kindness and a sense of fair play – a hard task for people who are still learning the basics of human civility
3     the children’s parents may have parenting styles different from each other’s and different from the grandparents (– although since none of the parents has witnessed the action, this delicate point may be irrelevant)

What should grandparents do to “choose the right” when this path is placed before them?

Scenario 2: The Standoffish Stand Off

Family gatherings with dozens of cousins occur several times a year for this family who live within an hours’ driving distance of one another. In recent years, several of the cousins have become teenagers. One family’s pair of children have appeared at these events since infancy but have always kept to themselves, never engaging with their age-mate cousins. Since turning into teenagers, their only communication with anyone else at these events are a few obligatory grunts of hello. To date, all efforts by other cousins, their parents and the grandparents to “jolly” them into participation in games/conversations/family connectedness have fallen flat.

Should this situation be:
1.      addressed
2.     ignored
3.     medicated

Scenario 3: “A Rabbi, a Minister and a Relief Society President walk into reunion”

One situation facing several of our constituents is that their descendants have become a quite ecumenical group. How would you recommend a grandparent deal with a 6-year-old who rebukes Aunt Sally for drinking a cup of coffee? Or Uncle Tom and Aunt Minerva who expect their 8 children to remain in Sunday dress on the last day of the reunion and strongly suggest the everyone else does, too? Or the confused children who can’t figure out if, regarding prayer, they should:

1.      bow their heads and fold their arms
2.     close their eyes and wave their hands gently in the air above their heads as the Spirit moves them
3.     make the sign of the cross after prayer
4.      ignore it altogether and race around under the dining room table howling like cats.

We appreciate your thoughtful replies.

Sincerely,
Panicked N. Peoria
President, Fairly New Grandparents Association