For all you married men who are nervous and perhaps even bitter about your wife's new infatuation with American Idol finalist David Archuleta, here's some ammo to help you save your marriage. Start up the conversation by saying how much you admire David for his courage in standing up different points of view, like atheism and Marxism. She'll say what??? And then you can casually point out that "Imagine," the big finale song for David Archuleta tonight, is a hippie rant against God, religion, and freedom, blaming the problems of the world on religious belief and economic freedom (private property), claiming that peace will only come through a one-world socialist mega-government based on atheism with no morality other than living for today (and obeying your Marxist-Lennonist masters). She may disagree, until you read her the full lyrics - not just the relatively innocent little excerpt she heard tonight:

"Imagine" by John Lennon

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one.

Say that you're proud of David for being more nuanced and more radical than his innocent Mormon appearance would suggest. "Hey, I hear he's joining a Miami death metal band with a crust punk twist. What kind of tattoo do you think he has?"

For those of you who aren't bitter and nervous, you may wish to join me in congratulating David for really shining tonight (there, honey, is that better?). But I really would have preferred a different closing song. Maybe something with a touch of missionary spirit, something that reveals his religious roots without being too overtly religious. I know: "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree."

Full disclosure: I also like "Imagine" as long as I'm not paying attention to the lyrics. Most modern songs are better that way - but even better (i.e., with lyrics even easier to ignore) when sung in Urdu or, best of all, rapidly yodeled in the Waldis dialect of Swiss German.

Update: And yes, his performance was wonderful and his selection of the non-atheistic part of the song was positive and smart. Really, I'm proud of that great young man. If only he weren't so appealing to women . . . . Good luck, David, and good luck, Mormon men everywhere!
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