During the last few years of The Improvement Era’s run, the editors paid $3 per story for funny, true incidents from Mormon life. Here are some of my favorites from 1970:

In leading into our priesthood lesson concerning family growth and the role of the mother, our instructor asked, “Why do we exist in the human family as two different sexes – male and female?” Without hesitation the elders quorum president answered, “So there’ll be opposition in all things.” – Brent Farley, Tempe, Arizona

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In the mission field people often ask us, while we’re tracting, if we are insurance salesmen. One of my companions, exasperated at being so frequently questioned, finally said, “Yes, we’re with Eternal Life!” – Elder Elvin Frank Jones, Texas Mission

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After a few days of school with a new teacher, my seven-year-old daughter reported, “I don’t think my new teacher is a Mormon.” “Why?” we asked. “Because she is never in a hurry,” was the reply. – Patricia Butitofer, Rigby, Idaho

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Before I joined the Church, a friend took me to Relief society one morning. When she introduced me to the bishop’s wife, she said, to no one in particular, “She’s an investigator.” Not knowing latter-day Saint terminology, I took this as a subtle warning to me to be careful, that the bishop’s wife would investigate me before I could join the Church. For quite a while after that I was most cautious and on my best behavior when in the company of the bishop’s wife, so her report on me would be favorable! – Kathleen N. Slater, Tooele, Utah

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Bobby, a four-year-old boy who had heard the golden questions discussed in his home, was traveling with his parents on a bus. Becoming restless, he walked up the aisle and got into a conversation with an elderly man. His father heard him say, “What do you know about the Mormons?” When the man answered that he didn’t know much about them, Bobby posed the next question. “Would you like to know more?” the man answered, “Yes.” Bobby, somewhat bewildered, faltered, then appealed to his father: “What do I do now, Daddy?” – Della Bennett, Meadow, Utah

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The San Bernardino Stake holds its girls’ camp each year in the nearby San Bernardino Mountains. I have goen for two years – and each time have been sent to the infirmary. When I told a friend my illness had been diagnosed as altitude sickness, she exclaimed, “Well! What are you going to do when you get to the celestial kingdom?” – Debbie Coleman, San Bernardino, California

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In our early morning seminary class, our teacher asked for a show of hands how many had ancestors who had crossed the plains. Several hands shot up, including that of a Lamanite boy of the Cheyenne tribe. Aloud he added, “Many times!” – Basin City Ward Seminary, Mesa, Washington

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Since the YWMIA organist was absent, the president asked a young Beehive girl to play the piano. Consequently, our opening hymn was the only one she knew: “Lord Dismiss Us With Thy Blessing.” – Carolle Denton, Sterling, Utah

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Because of previous commitments, one family was finding it increasingly difficult to hold family home evening. After numerous postponements, the father awakened his children at 5:00 a.m. “Everybody up! it’s family morning!” It was amazing how swiftly the children were able to arrange their schedules to accommodate family home evening. – Carma Rossi, Centerville, Utah