Today was rough. It started out great, since I had tons to accomplish. For the last few days I've been so busy that I haven't really had down time. So when I got home late this afternoon and realized I didn't have anything planned, it was a bit of a shock. Within moments, temptations and thoughts of things to do (none of them productive or spiritually healthy) filled my mind and started to overwhelm me. There was no one else around; the only hope I had was to pray for help. I uttered a silent prayer and, within moments, remembered things I really did need to do - read the Book of Mormon, work out at the gym, write in my blog, eat something healthy, and prepare for tomorrow.
But the memory of things to do didn't do anything for the massive urges. So I grabbed my mp3 player and started listening to last April's General Conference while eating. It helped, but didn't solve the problem. So I left and went to talk with a few friends. Still not working. Then I went to the gym to work out, killed myself there, came back, showered, and changed. Thankfully, by that time my body was under control. And now I feel like I can go to sleep (and wake up crazy early tomorrow to start all over again) in peace.
I've found that temptations and urges in my life, even though they may be sporadic when I'm crazy busy, are still a part of my life. And knowing how to live with them ensures that they don't take over my life. It's strange - the temptations and urges have gotten stronger and stronger with time, but I've also become more able to live with them and move on with my life. Before, humming a hymn might have worked. Now, singing at full belt is just one of many potential steps to reclaim my mind and body; sometimes it takes everything I can think of before I stop thinking about a guy. But, if I'm really willing to try the right things, to turn to the Lord, and to dedicate my life to Him, the urges do dissipate. And instead of feeling guilty and unclean, the experience leaves me strengthened and full of faith - that I can live with this, move forward, and be happy. At least, as long as I'm willing to try and try again.
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