The conversation was focused on reaching out to others who are struggling like me. I had a ton of time on my hands when I first began this blog and other missionary endeavors, and as life has become more complicated, I've realized that I lack the publicity and time to really make a big difference in the Mormon community of men and women like me. I physically don't have the time to contact everyone, or chat with everyone, or arrange to meet everyone that I want to check up on. And my divine requests for super powers were denied. So the Lord inspired me to do the next best thing - ask a priesthood leader for advice. Most of our conversation was just communicating... sort of so that he would be better able to understand the things we're going through. But once at the beginning and twice at the end he gave me advice I thought I would share here.
1: Don't fall. Into gay pornography, masturbation, sexual relationships with other men, or anything like it. If I'm trying to lift others (which is pretty accurate), falling can have catastrophic consequences.
2: Beware of becoming a "leader" in a non-Church-sponsored organization. This is actually pretty cogent advice, as I've been reading the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. I've been contemplating ways to make a bigger difference in the world, and one of the thoughts on my list was organizing an army. And so the advice definitely applied. My hope now is that I can do whatever is necessary to help further the cause through established (and future) channels of the Church... instead of being a visible (albeit anonymous) champion.
3: When you don't have enough time to reach everyone, have faith that God is doing His part. This was the hardest one. I went, almost hoping that he would tell me a way to reach people, be there for them, and enable them to become better Saints and better men. I wanted to know how I could do everything, for everyone. And the realization that I can't still makes me want to cry. Every night I pray for you - that God will give you strength, that God will help you to learn to be happy, that He will help you feel His love. And every day I try to be the best person I can be. His advice: when you are doing your absolute best to help others, have faith. Know that God is actively involved in the world. Align your will with His, and you will be an instrument in accomplishing His work.
And so I'll continue to stay away from enticing advertisements, questionable emails, and random websurfing. I'll put my recruiting hat off to the side for a bit. And, tonight when I pray, I'll ask Him to bless my family, my friends, and my brothers' (your) lives... even when I'm not there in real life.
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