When I was younger, trying to understand my attraction to guys, I wondered if I would ever see a light at the end of the tunnel. The only things I could see were pain, isolation, depression, guilt, and fear. I prayed for help getting out - to speed my inevitably painful journey - and for help in seeing the end from the beginning.
As time went on, instead of only praying to be free, I turned to the Lord for help in overcoming my difficulties in life. I spoke with Him about my hopes and dreams. I pled with Him about my trials. I listened as He taught me sublime truths about eternity. I recognized the sum total of my life's circumstances and asked Him to help me become the person I was meant to be. And, slowly, as I looked at my surroundings in the tunnel of despair, I began to see light. But it wasn't a pinprick of light at the end, promising that deliverance would soon be nigh. It was a softly glowing light all around me - light inside the tunnel. Inside the tunnel? Aren't tunnels always dark? And yet, in my moments of deepest despair, I saw shards of gospel symbolism in my pain. In my moments of greatest temptation, scriptures came to my mind, and the names and faces of people who needed my help... who needed me to be worthy to give a Priesthood blessing. As time continued to go on, the light grew brighter, until it was able to show me the way, warning me of dips and trenches and chasms in the path.
I'm still in that tunnel. Living with my attraction and all its accompanying facets is still hard. It's a struggle that faces me almost every single day... and this tunnel may last for a very long time. But that's ok - because I can see the light. The light of faith, hope, peace, and love is here, inside the tunnel, beside me. And it's proof that the Lord of Hosts truly has descended below all things. In the everyday battle of my life, the Lord is walking, here inside the tunnel, at my side.
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