Last night during Priesthood session I had an amazing realization. For most of my life, I wondered if there was something that, if the Lord asked me to do it, I wouldn't be willing... or something about which I would be afraid. For a long time, I was afraid that I wouldn't serve a mission - that there would be a massive world war that would preclude my service. Then I was afraid that I would never find someone to fall in love with... and never have a family. In both cases, I realized that the Lord would bless me. I put my faith in Him, and chose to believe that He would take care of me... and enable me to be happy and fulfill His work no matter what circumstances faced me in life.
My greatest fear, though, has always been my good name. It's the thing that I hold closer than anything else - the knowledge that people think highly of me. For years, as I honestly looked at what I would be willing to freely give up... giving up my good name and my influence on others was the one thing that tugged at the back of my mind. Maybe He would never ask me to do it. But what if the Lord asked me to do something that alienated me from everyone else - everyone I love?
As President Uchtdorf spoke about pride, I looked inside myself and asked the same question: if the Lord asked me to do anything, would I willingly and faithfully follow His promptings? And, for the first time in a long time, I can honestly say yes. Without fear. Without trepidation. Without wondering what would happen. Simply with the faith that He would take care of me and I will be blessed.
I can feel something stirring inside me - an awakening that has come in the years that have enabled me to be willing to do anything. I don't know what the Lord will have me do. I don't know what the future holds. But I do know that He will guide and bless me... that, no matter what the circumstance, I will be happy following His commands.
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