It started out with major mistakes I made on projects over the last few days and the repercussions those mistakes are having on my life. It was amplified during multiple discussions throughout the day... which each brought up the question as to whether my current pathway is really the right fit for me and everyone else involved. Other people in my life decided that today was a good day to list all the things they didn't like about me, some suggesting (all-too-simplistic) methods to overcome massive obstacles in my life. And then I logged on here and found a comment from a guy who lives with SSA that read:
You are a fraud. I will not waste one more moment of my time reading anything you write.
I think I want to put my head in a paper bag and go to sleep.
I don't have any idea what tomorrow will bring in my life. Probably more frustration, anxiety, and pain. But, as much as I'd like to wallow in self-pity, there's something inside me that is, right now as I write this, trying to help me see a bigger perspective. Isn't this what life is all about? The Lord puts me in difficult circumstances so that I can learn and grow and someday rise above the things that currently pull me down. He gives me the strength and perspective to live through it one day at a time. Someday, I'll look back on the frustration I live with right now and think, "Mormon Guy, wasn't that an amazing learning experience? Would you trade the things you learned in life for anything in the world?"
Looking back right now... on the things that I've learned from the trials of yesterday and years past... I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned for anything in the world. Somehow, God knew me well enough to create a life uniquely for me. From the talents He gave me to the trials I face, everything is custom to me. He knew what experiences I needed to have the chance to grow and develop into the man He sees in me.
I guess, from that perspective then, today wasn't such an awful day after all. Yeah, a few minutes ago I felt terrible. But while sitting here I've felt the simple truth that God loves me. I'm going in the right direction. The Lord is involved in every intricate aspect of my life. He wants me to talk with Him - to learn from Him - and to keep moving forward. ...and that's enough. When days are rough and the future is uncertain, I can stick my head in a bag or press forward. It's my choice. I don't know if tomorrow will be better, but no matter what happens, I am still in control of my destiny. The future is as bright as my faith.
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