Are you single?
Yes. I'm not even in a serious relationship with anyone, so I'm even single in that sense. But being single doesn't mean I attend a single's ward. Or that I don't.
What types of things do you do to content yourself when there are VERY few friends and activities to do?
I used to rely on other people to structure my life for me - to schedule activities and reach out and be my friend. Then I realized that everyone else was doing exactly the same thing - waiting for others to take the initiative. Now I try to take it on my own, and find people who are passionate to help me make things happen. It means that I'm almost never without friends or something to do.
But sometimes it does happen... and then I go to the temple or read the scriptures or write for hours on end. Or work out for 6 hours straight. Something worthwhile and intense.
Are the other members of your congregation aware of your feeling and intentions in the future? Unless the Lord Himself has told them, no.
How do you feel when comments from other bro's and sis let you know that they suspect gays of recruiting their children or stalking them?
This world is not a safe place for raising a family, no matter who you are or where you live. I would rather have parents in the Church have a overly heightened sense of awareness about the circumstances around their children than to be on the sidelines or apathetic. If anyone were stalking my family or friends, I would be concerned.
Now, there is a difference. Assuming that spending time with people = stalking or recruiting is a long shot. But, at the same time, who am I to judge them for judging others? I would be doing the exact same thing I can't stand in their conduct. My code is to enable people to see the good side in all things, and to think the best of others. Most of the time, that focus can change their views and help them much better than any argument or presentation of facts.
When did you first realize you were attracted to men?
That's a complicated question, if you've read my very first post. In retrospect, the signs were there long before I was a teenager. But I didn't put a name to it, and understand it for what it was, until after high school.
How did you come to the understanding and perspective you have now? Did you ever feel like giving up on God? Or have you always been blessed with such incredible faith and courage?
Whatever I have, I gained from turning to God. Have I ever felt like giving up? Yes... there have been times when I curled up in a ball, crying, wanting to just die from the pain and disappear forever. But, somewhere deep inside me, I knew that God was there for me. I knew that He loved me. And I knew that, no matter what happened to me, if I followed Him, everything would work out for the best. I look at my life and I believe the greatest blessing God gives me is the lens through which I see life. And I guess that's the answer - by the grace of God. Why me? Why do I understand the gospel and the next guy over struggles to see a purpose in life? I don't know exactly why, but I know that God is in charge. And that He will never give up on us.
I'm dying to know how old you are.
If I told you my age, I might alienate readers for being too old or too young. I usually don't want to know how old people are - it makes it way too easy to pass judgment on them. And sharing my age would take a shot at my anonymity.
Does your family know? If they do, do you talk openly like you do on this blog? If they don’t, is it easier to deal with if no one knows? Do close friends know?
No, my family doesn't know. I wrote a post on that once. And yes, it is much easier to deal with alone (at least in my case). I can make my own goals, turn to God for my support, and grow in my own way. I'm not sure that my family could understand, and they already love and support me. In the best case scenario, nothing would change. Worst case, someone loses his or her testimony because they don't understand it like I do.
Some of my close friends know, because I've told them. But only because they needed to know that I understood them. It's not a burden I would give to someone else just because I needed a shoulder to cry on. I used to wish that were possible, but now I look to God for all of my support... and He's enough and to spare... and then I find others to lift along the way.
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