When I started writing here at (Gay) Mormon Guy, I made the commitment to be honest. To lay all the cards on the table and play them like I see them, from my perspective. My hope was to be completely transparent... and in some way open up my experiences, thoughts, motivations, and feelings so that others could develop their own ideas and commitments in their own lives. That's why I write here - the hope that people will be able to find hope, peace, and faith somehow.

Sometimes, though, laying all the cards on the table has negative effects. For some reason... It's only okay to talk about my experiences as long as they prove my ultimate mediocrity. As a blogger, I could talk about a struggle preparing for and taking the LSAT, but mentioning that I got a perfect score, in all but the narrowest of contexts, could be easily misconstrued as arrogance.

It's a part of culture that, from my perspective, encourages me to truly embrace mediocrity as the social norm, instead of focusing on the reality of the good inside me. And, honestly, I don't understand it. I'm a candid person, in life and here, and if people take offense with my communication, then I guess I expect them to identify it so I can explain context. 

The first time it happened here, came with a vitriolic response to a memories about my mission; I had a great mission and was incredibly blessed while serving, and the reader took affront to that assertion. The only reason I had included that info was because someone had asked... and when I realized he was affronted, I tried to explain. Another reader felt it was arrogant to ask people to post their success stories - because of how I had written the invitation. Another more recent difficulty took the form of trying to share the mass of personal communications I get via email, without having to read hundreds of pages. Comments about how principles of the gospel have helped people change speak for themselves, but mixing them into a cohesive set creates difficulty. A good example is the transcript of how I felt I'd try to talk with my parents. I'll be honest. I have been amazed at the comments and letters I've received over the last year. The stories vary with each person - a wife who woke up in the middle of the night, somehow found (Gay) Mormon Guy, and then an hour later, her husband told her that he was attracted to men. A husband who was ready to file for divorce and again, somehow found (Gay) Mormon Guy and decided to talk with his bishop, find a therapist, and says he is happier than ever. Teenagers who had already planned their suicide and found (Gay) Mormon Guy... and found hope in the fact that someone else had been in their place and made it.

Do people change? Yes! Are there miracles? Yes! The gospel is an amazing thing - it changes lives and saves souls. And together I raise my voice with Ammon as he gloried in the Lord in Alma 26 -

11 But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought to sing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us, therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?
14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.
15 Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work.
16 Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.
17 Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state?

35 Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.
36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.
37 Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

The Lord has not forgotten me. And He has not forgotten His children who, like me, have felt to be wanderers, outcasts, sinners, and forsaken. He is the God of the Universe, and will grant me my desires according to my faith and His will... and If I am faithful, someday He will save me, and I can help in my own way to make a difference. And, for that, I will give thanks unto my God forever.
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