Yesterday in one of the classroom discussions at Church the conversation turned, as it often does, to marriage. I'm sure that other wards can't talk about it as much as we do. Maybe. Some people hate it. I love it. I mean, if I'm going to be the world's best husband and dad some day, I'm definitely need a ton of preparation. I welcome all the help I can get. Among the topics that came out in the swirling discussion were pornography, honesty, fidelity after marriage, being open with others, dating (our dating stats are probably about as good as our hometeaching stats - dismal), and how to change our lives if/when we find ourselves in the pit of despair due to our own sins. I listened for a reference to homosexuality, and it came up for a second as the teacher shared a story from a friend, but then it disappeared in the discussion that followed. The teacher definitely didn't live with same-sex attraction, and I doubt that he realized that any of us did either.
That thought made me stop and ponder for a moment. If my trials aren't readily apparent to anyone else... then the same is probably true in the cases of others. I found myself looking around the room, realizing that here, in the boundaries of my ward, there are people with countless hidden struggles - pornography, depression, disability, illness & pain, and everything else under the sun. I'm pretty sure there are other men and women who live with same-sex attraction. They sit next to me in Sunday School, speak in my Sacrament meeting, and work with me on projects and activities... and I have no idea about the troubles they face.
What would I say if everyone in the classroom lived with same-sex attraction? How about if they struggled with pornography or fought depression on a daily basis? I'm definitely not a callous person, but sometimes I'm exhausted from life and don't take the time to ask people about their lives and listen to their responses (and give them plenty of time to respond through small talk), even though I know I should. I ask, and of nothing seems wrong then I respond in kind and move on - unaware of the trials hidden beneath the surface and not developing a relationship of trust deep enough to help them come to light.
I need to get better at that. I need to remember that everyone was sent here to Earth and given trials beyond their ability to bear alone. Everyone has major problems. Maybe they're not visible on the outside, but they're there... and as I do my part to help people without seeing their struggles, I am doing my part to help my brothers and sisters - including those who live next to me with same-sex attraction. I need to get better at a lot of other things too. I'm way too un-excitable in my life. I don't smile or laugh enough. I probably over think everything that happens in life, and I'm really bad at telling people how much I care about them. I'm way judgmental of my own actions and mistakes, and hold myself to a high standard, and I think that sometimes people assume I feel the same way about their flaws. I'm bad at giving constructive feedback and I don't give enough compliments or praise considering the caliber of people with whom I associate. And beyond that I'm still a sinner.
But that's all I really can do. Put people's names on the temple prayer roll, pray for friends and strangers by name and by trial, be kind and outgoing and understanding and a good example and try to befriend others notwithstanding my weaknesses and frustrations in life. And, in the end, I need to realize that this is not my work. I'm not a superhero who is single-handedly saving the world, or even saving one person. I'm a servant, a worker, under the Master of all mankind - the One who will save us and redeem all of humanity. I don't need to save the world - because He already has, and does, as He answers prayers and heals hearts through the millions of people who open their lives to following the counsel of the Holy Ghost. This was His work long before it was my work, and He cares about His children far more than I can. He will move Heaven and Earth to ensure that each and every man and woman has the best possible chance to grow and return to Him. I just need to do my part - be willing to follow God and use my own talents, trials, time, and faith to build the kingdom one by one... and He, whether personally or through others, will always take care of the rest.
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