Seraphim News
DATE: In the beginning…

In a Press Release today, Lucifer announced that he has been cast out of heaven for simply asking questions and expressing doubts about the Divine Council’s so-called plan of salvation. “I am just asking questions,” Lucifer said.  “I would like everyone to be saved and happy. I have some concerns about this plan's capacity to achieve that goal.”

Lucifer says that leaders of the Divine Council used to hear him out, and even let him express these concerns to the council in the past. He said he is disheartened by the dramatic shift in approach. “I’ve been exonerated in the past. I just wish they would leave me alone. I feel a moral imperative to warn others of the risks following this plan entails. I will not simply be silent because I am threatened to be cast out.”

According to Lucifer, the plan endorsed by the Divine Council puts all our souls at serious risk of damnation. “I would just like to make sure everybody is saved and has a place here. That is all,” he says.

Supporters are rallying behind Lucifer and expressing their solidarity. In a joint statement to the press, approximately one-third of the hosts of heaven announced their intentions to use this moment as an opportunity to mobilize for their cause, and lobby for change in the plan of salvation.

Seraphim News will continue to post updates to this developing story.

UPDATE: If you dislike this satire, then please read my follow-up post. In fact, I dare you to. 

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