As much as we are discouraged in referring to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who experience same-gender-attraction, as gay Mormons, it is, nonetheless, often the way that they identify themselves. It is this very description, among other things, that has caused discomfort among many faithful members of the Church, after viewing the BYU video "It Gets Better", created to support the on campus LGBT community, to ultimately reject it.

I am one of those. I took the opportunity to discuss my concerns with a very close friend, who has faithfully dealt with same-sex attraction, as a Mormon, who understands the importance of creating a safe space, within the Church, for our brothers and sisters who carry this burden -- to not only feel love and welcomed, but that will also allow them to come to peace with their life's burden. This is a process that often makes everyone involved uncomfortable -- nonetheless, desperately needed.



Before we go any further, let me get this out of the way, right now. I am not anti-gay, nor am I a bigot. I fully support the position of the LDS Church on the issue of homosexuality, feeling that when we as members embrace such an understanding our actions then emulate that of the Savior's.

The Church teaches that all of us are sons and daughters of God and should be honored and respected as such. We reach out to assist people with all of the challenges of life. Those who struggle with same-gender attraction are certainly not excluded from the circle of love and fellowship the Church hopes to provide. 

The defining factor for each of us is that we are children of God, born on this earth for a purpose and with a divine destiny. Our challenge and opportunity is to overcome the temptations and difficulties that lead us away from God. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: “Nevertheless, and I emphasize this, I wish to say that our opposition to attempts to legalize same-sex marriage should never be interpreted as justification for hatred, intolerance, or abuse of those who profess homosexual tendencies, either individually or as a group. As I said from this pulpit one year ago, our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church. It is expected, however, that they follow the same God-given rules of conduct that apply to everyone else, whether single or married" (“Why We Do Some of the Things We Do,” Ensign, Nov. 1999, 54). LDS Newsroom

I'm not aware of any member of the Church who would not acknowledge how critical it is for those who deal with homosexual feelings, to know that they can find support within the Church, from other members who desire to more fully understand their challenges -- and are also willing to help them bear that burden. And yet, in a desire to be supportive of gospel standards, which were not acknowledged in the BYU video, leaving on a broader scale the intent of the video ambiguous, many faithful members of the Church are left not knowing what the true message of the video campaign is intended to ultimately accomplish.

For some it is simple -- stop the suicide of young Mormons who struggle with feelings of homosexuality. On this, we all can agree. However, for others, the desire that if enough negative, outside pressure is placed on LDS Church leadership, about homosexuality and same-sex marriage policies, change will inevitably have to happen -- ignoring doctrine.

It is my opinion that the latter agenda runs active throughout this particular BYU video campaign, both on and off campus. However I also believe that an even greater "agenda", if you will, can emerge -- and is hoped for by many BYU students, willing to speak out about their experiences with same-sex attraction. And that agenda is the Lord's agenda -- which is for there to be a safe space within the faithful Mormon culture, where members who face the challenge of same-gender attraction can be supported, feel love and find help in creating a fulfilling and joyful life within the gospel of Jesus Christ -- as it should be.

Referring to those who have same-gender attraction, Church President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: “We love them as sons and daughters of God. … If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church” (“What Are People Asking about Us?” Ensign, Nov. 1998, 71). 

We believe the standard of morality is clearly defined and applies to all of God’s children. The Church teaches chastity before marriage and complete fidelity within a marriage. Marriage is also defined by God as the union of a man and woman, and we are not at liberty to change that definition.

Although I can't support the overall "It Gets Better" campaign, I do think it's important to give props to the fact that, although not brought out in the video, every BYU student who was involved with the project is currently committed to living the BYU standards of moral conduct. To emphasize just how huge this is, my friend expressed the opinion that, "these standards are more stringent than what the general membership of the Church are required to abide." And stated that, "It is like the gospel on steroids". 

I was also reminded just how difficult it had to have been for this group of 20 brave, young BYU students to allow themselves to be recorded, sharing their very personal feelings about what it's like to deal with homosexuality.  Uncomfortable feelings such as fear of rejection, stereotypical judgments of unclean or unrighteous, and the overall experience of being stripped naked by such exposure, was most likely felt by many of these students in deciding to go public. From that perspective, I honor those who chose to do so, in hopes of a sincere desire to assist in creating a faithful space within the Church, not only for themselves, but for others with SSA, in the wings, too terrified to come out -- until it feels safe.

In my initial quandary about the mixed messaging of this video, and my sincere desire to show love and support, I decided to reach out to Adam White -- a key voice in the "It Gets Better" video, and within USGA. Understanding Same-Gender Attraction is the on campus support group behind the BYU video campaign, (not the producers) -- neither endorsed by BYU. I did this after watching Adam's own video, before calculated clips were extracted to create the specific message of the "It Gets Better" video -- which I found very helpful in my quest to better understand. The same was done with each of the students' personal video that was recorded for this project. What we see in the "It Gets Better" video is a very small part of what was actually shared by these students -- worth watching if you have the time.

Adam was kind enough to respond to my inquiries and has also agreed to allow me to post our, unedited, (except for spelling) correspondence. I felt that this was the best way for you to understand both of our desire to communicate on this issue. Just remember that neither one of us wrote, with the intention of being published. I think you will find this very enlightening, and at the least, worthy of my reason to address this topic:

Hi Adam,

I write a popular, conservative blog, with an LDS audience. After long contemplation I am considering writing a supportive post for the "It Gets Better" video you participated in.

As you know, many members are concerned that the standards of the Church were not brought out in the main video, and yet after watching your personal video, it seems quite clear that your personal desire is to remain faithful to gospel standards where chastity is involved. Also that USGA is a support group hoping to support such a desire. Is that true?

I hope you don't mind my being personal about these things but I feel that it is important to help the general membership better understand what it means to be gay and Mormon.

Just so you know, I do understand.

I guess what I'm trying to get at, is instead of reading what other people are speculating about as to how committed this group of BYU students are to keeping the commandments -- or the "true" intent of USGA -- I'd really like to hear from you personally.

There are many, both inside and outside of the Church, who would like nothing more than to see the Church change its policies on homosexuality and same-sex marriage. I'd also love to hear your thoughts about how you feel.

Have you accepted that God will not change? How do you deal with an agenda that hopes for something different? Any personal thoughts you might share would be very welcome.

Also, if you wouldn't mind addressing the direct reference of "gay Mormon" in relation to what Elder Holland has counseled and taught about true identity. As you know, within the Church, it is discouraged to refer to individuals as "gay".

We are encouraged to use phrases like -- those who struggle with SGA or SSA. We can't say that you are homosexual, or gay, but that you have homosexual tendencies, etc... And yet throughout the entire main video that people are seeing in mass the BYU students are blatant about being "gay".

My friend's interpretation of "gay Mormon" means faithful to the gospel. I like that.

My hope is to try and blast through the concerns about the various "agendas" of a more liberal approach to SGA in the Church, to the huge step this is for members with SGA to create a safe space for living the gospel, openly acknowledging SGA. Do you think this is possible?

I have a very tender space in my heart for all of you and would like to, in some way, speak honestly about it and also represent USGA properly -- and its members. Any help you could offer would be very appreciated.

Thank you, Adam. 

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